One commentator here shared almost the same sentiments as I did while reading these.
You both used a hostage and captivity theme.
Vividlyvague: I myself have not been in the topical world for very long so I don't know if this plot is played out or not. The story itself encompasses more than Mr. J's. Also I did not read your first entry, would be an interesting comparison for sure. In essence, I think there were quite a few wording issues in the narrative. Sometimes I found myself perplexed by who was speaking, and you alternated between a clear worded narrative and one that felt stagnant. I did find the ending satirical, in an ironic way.not a bad entry, but felt like it needed to be cleaned up.
Mr J: First, proof your writing, there was a lack of basic punctuation sometimes to separate clauses, for instance " “Years after the war ended humanity was bound to become as corrupt as those who destroyed it…" Should be>>> years after the war ended, etc. Anyhow, it affects the fluidity of the reading and perhaps it was a mishap, but a little mishap sometimes is no big deal, here it was because it affects the understanding of the line. Making it look sloppy. Besides this, I do feel the apocalyptic setting is a bit too obvious in its direction, however. this Mother character you created was interesting, quite philosophically disturbing. I do think the writing was solid and you had some really good lines, especially when creating the atmosphere. I also think overall your piece read cleaner than VV's. At one point you switched the main character into a secondary character it seems, and the Mother character was more important making the killing off the main character obvious.
Both ended their piece with the hostage dying. But, one was more enticing.
Vote: Mr. J
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