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Old 02-06-2016, 03:47 PM   #11
UnbornBuddha
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Good match, I enjoyed both.

Razah: Very emotionally driven piece, obvious in its conception, but still a good take. I didn't really see anything that stood out, in terms of mistakes so that's good. Diode had some places that were not smooth, in terms of wording. My main criticism is this: while I think you had less blunders than Diode, ultimately it might be because of the shorter length. I mean you usually go short, but this was even shorter than the usual 20 something bars. And while I will like to say that the 10 bars don't make a difference, whem facing an opponent who wrote on the same caliber it does.

Diode: The first stanza read awkward, especially with some of the bad alliteration. And bad because the rest of the proceeding and preceding sentences also felt just like lists of descriptive words, but incomplete thoughts. Which seems sometimes to be a tool you use, this incomplete fragments to induce this kind of hypnotic effect, and sometimes it reads quite all right, other times you lose your footing. That said about the bad red highlighted strawberry line you began to hit your stride. It read very beautifully and I thoroughly enjoyed some of the descriptions, i.g. the collapsing castle stanza was the most memorable.

Like I said I enjoyed both, but Razah did not perform his best here. And though write a heartfelt piece, I think Diode wrote the more impactful verse, even if his lyrical game was not as at par with Razah's.

Vote:Diode
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