vv:
great scene-setting and pace to start with. indestructible killing machine captured by his victims - nothing too out of left field given the topic. interrogated and poked was a bizarre turn of phrase. the execution of the female prisoner was confusing. using clip is confusing in this context as it generally would be assumed it refers to a gun, rather than some kind of slicing device.
the turn was quick and brutal. i enjoyed it, though shock value is a bit cheap. the odd descriptions of the female and her sexuality were kind of distracting. good story, albeit brief - i'd like to read the long version someday. i loved the way you tied in the topic, though.
mrj:
ah, the wasteland. "welcomed it as a long lost family member with open arms" was oddly worded. the first two verses seem to be mimicing a fallout plot. i loved the "Life beyond what it is now is a fantasy, a dream dreamt by dreamers drowning in hope.” line, but as you know, i'm an alliteration nerd, even if you cheated a bit with the root word here. "flamboyance" was incogruous with the heavy subject being discussed and took a bit away from her despair. the conclusion was a bit stilted and telegraphed. not much of a turn, really, more of a means to an end.
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this one is closer than the others. vv's story was superior, mrj's imagery and dialog was more captivating. they both leveraged the topic well. my preference errs on the side of the less obvious finish and that's really the only mitigating factor here.
v: vv
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