Netcees - View Single Post - VividlyVague vs. Mr. J

Cimmerian · 02-04-2016, 08:42 AM

I need to be rather brief because I've got quite a lot to do today. But please know that I've read the verses multiple times.

VV - You wrote a linear story regarding an interrogation with a twist ending that it was a training exercise. It reminded me of Evey Hammond's interrogation in Alan Moore's graphic novel "V for Vendetta." This is entirely a personal preference, because I know many people liberally use dialogue, but I'm not a huge fan of it in verses. I find it's much harder to propel a verse that way unless its done very well. See e.g., Slick Rick and Eminem. Overall the verse was good. There was some good imagery here. There was also some awkward phrasing.

Mr. J. - You wrote a linear story regarding a man's post-apocalyptic journey. I was reminded of Mad Max, because I watched Fury Road a few weeks ago. Like VV you employed heavy dialogue in the second half. So, you can take my comments there (and also take them with a grain of salt). Like VV you had some good imagery here, perhaps a little more so. Similarly, I think there was awkward phrasing in parts.

Overall: I felt the verses overall were pretty even. I wasn't head over heels with either ending. I think VV's verse probably struck the topic a little better with his literal interpretation of the quote. My vote goes to VV. My guess is that this battle will be the closest this week.

Cimm.

02-04-2016, 08:42 AM	#5
Cimmerian Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2013 Posts: 142 Rep Power: 2933499	I need to be rather brief because I've got quite a lot to do today. But please know that I've read the verses multiple times. VV - You wrote a linear story regarding an interrogation with a twist ending that it was a training exercise. It reminded me of Evey Hammond's interrogation in Alan Moore's graphic novel "V for Vendetta." This is entirely a personal preference, because I know many people liberally use dialogue, but I'm not a huge fan of it in verses. I find it's much harder to propel a verse that way unless its done very well. See e.g., Slick Rick and Eminem. Overall the verse was good. There was some good imagery here. There was also some awkward phrasing. Mr. J. - You wrote a linear story regarding a man's post-apocalyptic journey. I was reminded of Mad Max, because I watched Fury Road a few weeks ago. Like VV you employed heavy dialogue in the second half. So, you can take my comments there (and also take them with a grain of salt). Like VV you had some good imagery here, perhaps a little more so. Similarly, I think there was awkward phrasing in parts. Overall: I felt the verses overall were pretty even. I wasn't head over heels with either ending. I think VV's verse probably struck the topic a little better with his literal interpretation of the quote. My vote goes to VV. My guess is that this battle will be the closest this week. Cimm.