Razah- This is a nice piece I believe the average parent can relate to. I've had similar epiphanies when it came to my kids and appreciating the new life we bring into this world. That said, your concept was simple yet heartfelt and relatable without being overly corny. The rhyming was end-rhyme focused, semi-consistent and nothing really interesting popped out to me. After reading, I felt like a read a longer verse than what you posted. That was an interesting tidbit that helped me realize than you did well in that small space you gave yourself- economy of words and your concept... something I have yet to master. Good Job.
Diode- damn. this was beautiful. You wrote a love story with no real personification, no actions, no dialog or parties. Yet, you still wrote pretty beautifully and, while the rhyming wasn't superb, the language and tone spoke in a way that touches the reader. This was probably the best "I'm moving on" letter I've ever read. Good Job.
For me, this was hard because both competitors wrote heartfelt and nicely colored pieces while making "taking the first step" a deep journey. MVGT Diode for the slightly more enjoyable read.
__________________
Ahem.
|