My votes gotta be short. Apologies to both.
Objective, your first section was decent. I didn't really enjoy the rhyming mid-sentence (grass/vast/craft/raft). You were at your best when you decided to say something and worry about the rhyme at the end. The second section I wasn't really feeling at all, but the closer was pretty good. The first section was easily the strongest despite my criticisms.
Vulgar, pretty fucking cool. I had to go back and reread it though because I went in expecting it to be like a usual verse, but this was not that. This was not something about rhyming or (in my opinion) having a "meaning". It seemed like you wanted to paint a scene, if that makes any sense, and you did. Pretty cool verse. Stay signed in, man.
V/ Vulgar
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