GC- the way you prepare your concepts is very eloquent and almost vague, but digestible when read uninterrupted. That said, it took me three reads to grasp the full concept of what I believe this piece entails. I think you did much more for the content than the flow here. This scope of language in this consistency may be difficult to maintain with an excellent flow, so I think I get that. I think the repetitive narcoleptic passage was cool and the character deciding to (die?) was very interesting. That dark introspective type of piece is right up my mind's alley. I liked this. Some parts of the passage seemed a little repetitive and a little on the nonsensical side (evil yin disease, the Zen line ending, doctor's evil grin, etc.), but I wanted more on the car crash and why the character was 'narcoleptic' until willingly dead or in a coma. Good job overall.
Pent up- The flow was pretty sharp a good ways through the piece until it became a litlle simpler in the end. The content was pretty dope with each concept having a standout metaphor section to back it. The pacing was good and though the overall story was kinda flat for me, it embraced that with the last line summing up the shuttles driver's argument for him turnin mediocre days into vivd dreamworlds. Pretty cool twist in that aspect.
MVGT Pent Up for an overall cleaner and sharper read with better mechanics.
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Ahem.
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