BE:
You can tell this was a key. Simple, if not satisfying in its matching character count lines. You seem to have developed a thing for that. The story itself was short and to the point, with the expected closing thought. Nothing wrong with it, but nothing great either. You can do a lot better than this. Was a clever way to weave the topic into your verse, but other than that, it's kind of an afterthought. Disappointed because I know how much better you can be.
Mr. J
Opener is oddly worded. Made up for it with this beautiful line:
"The frigid air fends off any fervor leaving my senses endangered"
Detracted from it all again with your ellipses scheme afterward. Your technique is very hit-or-miss and all that complex, but the story was effective. It's one of those cases where you know where it's going, however the ending satisfies nonetheless. You're going to need to step it up next round for sure. BE threw out a softball this round and you did just enough to win. I don't think the gap is nearly as broad as some other voters have indicated.
VOTE: MR. J
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