Netcees - View Single Post - NYCSPITZ vs. Diode

Cimmerian · 01-21-2016, 10:56 AM

NYCSPITZ

Personal interpretation: You describe a poker game between a man and Death which results in a twist ending. Prior to the twist, I felt that you were channeling the 1957 Swedish film, Det sjunde inseglet (The Seventh Seal), where a knight plays chess with Death.

Praise: I enjoyed the storytelling. I play in a weekly cash game so the subject matter was particularly appealing to me.

Constructive Criticism: At first, I had some difficulty deciphering how the piece was going to address the concept. But I interpreted the twist being the lull , literally at the end. The "it was all a dream, or in this case, a hallucination" twist was ok. As a I mentioned in Pinot Grij's verse last week, it could be considered trite. I may have enjoyed the twist more had there been some context of it weaved into the story.

Diode

Personal interpretation: You tackle the universe, specifically the Big Bang, and perhaps the Big Crunch.

Praise: Taken in pieces, your opening painted some nice descriptions. For example:

"green gasses"
"crimson gashes"
"purple hues expanding"

It reminded me of some of the artist-colored photographs from the Hubble.

The rhyming was not traditional but it was present and I think I was able to read it with the delivery that you intended. It was enjoyable.

Constructive criticism: I'm not a scientist but I love science. So, please take these thoughts from the layperson I am in the area.

"accretive disks" - I'm not sure if the use of "disk" was right for the piece. You painted some lovely images of an expanding three dimensional world in the beginning and then you use disk to describe what I interpreted to be planets. You took me to 2D, which was a little odd giving the overall context.

I believe that you were describing the "Big Crunch" theory in the last portion of the piece. But, if I'm not mistaken, most scientists theorize that the Big Crunch will result in the next Big Bang. Therefore, there would be no lull in the end.

Overall: This was a difficult topic to write on. NYCSPITZ had an interesting story and Diode brought some cool imagery. I vote NYCSPITZ.

01-21-2016, 10:56 AM	#5
Cimmerian Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2013 Posts: 142 Rep Power: 2933496	NYCSPITZ Personal interpretation: You describe a poker game between a man and Death which results in a twist ending. Prior to the twist, I felt that you were channeling the 1957 Swedish film, Det sjunde inseglet (The Seventh Seal), where a knight plays chess with Death. Praise: I enjoyed the storytelling. I play in a weekly cash game so the subject matter was particularly appealing to me. Constructive Criticism: At first, I had some difficulty deciphering how the piece was going to address the concept. But I interpreted the twist being the lull , literally at the end. The "it was all a dream, or in this case, a hallucination" twist was ok. As a I mentioned in Pinot Grij's verse last week, it could be considered trite. I may have enjoyed the twist more had there been some context of it weaved into the story. Diode Personal interpretation: You tackle the universe, specifically the Big Bang, and perhaps the Big Crunch. Praise: Taken in pieces, your opening painted some nice descriptions. For example: "green gasses" "crimson gashes" "purple hues expanding" It reminded me of some of the artist-colored photographs from the Hubble. The rhyming was not traditional but it was present and I think I was able to read it with the delivery that you intended. It was enjoyable. Constructive criticism: I'm not a scientist but I love science. So, please take these thoughts from the layperson I am in the area. "accretive disks" - I'm not sure if the use of "disk" was right for the piece. You painted some lovely images of an expanding three dimensional world in the beginning and then you use disk to describe what I interpreted to be planets. You took me to 2D, which was a little odd giving the overall context. I believe that you were describing the "Big Crunch" theory in the last portion of the piece. But, if I'm not mistaken, most scientists theorize that the Big Crunch will result in the next Big Bang. Therefore, there would be no lull in the end. Overall: This was a difficult topic to write on. NYCSPITZ had an interesting story and Diode brought some cool imagery. I vote NYCSPITZ. Last edited by Cimmerian; 01-21-2016 at 10:59 AM.