Netcees - View Single Post - Argh vs. Mr. J

e11even · 01-20-2016, 04:12 AM

BE- Very simple approach here. I think given the brevity it should have packed more of a punch, but it was an ok, clean piece on gambling addiction well-timed with the recent lottery winners and all. I wish I had done that. It would've been all super devious and stuff. Me aside, I think a lot more could have been done in the way of rhyming internally and ending the lines. This just felt really safe rhyme-wise. The story was well-paced, but nothing was more enthralling than my expectations at the setup. I was hoping for more. All that said, I can appreciate the brevity and neat structure. Good job.

Mr. J- I can relate. I can relate. I can relate. This was grungy and felt authentic. The flow was seamless and naturally rhymed well. This didn't at all feel forced. It felt more like you were just talking to the reader telling them how it is. True story? If not, even better job. This is not original, but like I said- I CAN RELATE lol. I think your content and how you laid it out played well for you. Good Job.

I think this is a battle of who sounded better telling a sad story. Both had the content, but one put it a little better. MVGT Mr.J

01-20-2016, 04:12 AM	#7
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	BE- Very simple approach here. I think given the brevity it should have packed more of a punch, but it was an ok, clean piece on gambling addiction well-timed with the recent lottery winners and all. I wish I had done that. It would've been all super devious and stuff. Me aside, I think a lot more could have been done in the way of rhyming internally and ending the lines. This just felt really safe rhyme-wise. The story was well-paced, but nothing was more enthralling than my expectations at the setup. I was hoping for more. All that said, I can appreciate the brevity and neat structure. Good job. Mr. J- I can relate. I can relate. I can relate. This was grungy and felt authentic. The flow was seamless and naturally rhymed well. This didn't at all feel forced. It felt more like you were just talking to the reader telling them how it is. True story? If not, even better job. This is not original, but like I said- I CAN RELATE lol. I think your content and how you laid it out played well for you. Good Job. I think this is a battle of who sounded better telling a sad story. Both had the content, but one put it a little better. MVGT Mr.J __________________ Ahem.