View Single Post
Old 01-17-2016, 04:46 PM   #13
Objective
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
 
Objective's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,868
Battle Record: 17-32



Rep Power: 52474192
Objective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant future
Default

Vulgar - I love your style of writing, punctuation however... Not so much, and in this particular piece it's pretty important as you got ongoing sentences that doesn't end at every line making me start the next sentence as if it was continued from the one before. Specially when a couple of sentences starts with ''I'' it may seem obvious but still isn't since it's a capital letter, thinking about the transition from ''made of the ruthless gushing wells of fortune'' to ''I cannot understand''. That was a huge drawback for me.

Beside of that the poem was beautiful and I always enjoy it when writers don't use the topic as title even though I do it a lot myself sometimes. That was a pretty cool detail imo. The cadence of the piece is beautiful that could only be improved by punctuation, your choice of words is dope as usual and the closure is smooth.

Well done.

Adonis - This was pretty deep imo and the metaphore you went by with the sinking ship isn't really original in that sense but you executed it perfectly. Again, like with Vulgar, only punctuation could have improved this piece as far as I know for the time being. It told a pretty sad story about how love can be reciprocated and how it can turn out in the end, the definition of sadness if you ask me. The short last sentence at the very end wrapped it up perfectly.

Great work.

Vote - Vulgar. Both kind of edging to the same theme for their pieces. Whether it was accidental or not or ended up being a collaboration like you discussed I found this battle satisfying as fuck to read as I got engulfed into the atmosphere after Vulgar's read before I headed into Adonis poem. I had to take a second read through to get the full impact this had on me which was a dope reading experience as I kind of felt both characters and situation at hand were given proper attention that way.

I still felt Vulgar's execution was slightly better but it shouldn't detract from the work Adonis' put in as I can see this battle going either way depending on preference. Quality of both was up there and easily battle of the week. Favorite battle of the season so far as well. Dope shit.
__________________
I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o
Objective is offline