Quote:
Originally Posted by Adonis
~Round I Battle Reviews~
Cimmerian – Wrote a complete verse in under twenty lines which is difficult to do, let alone do extremely well. The thing you did well was the poetic nuances and mannerisms of style. That vivid and specific diction that weaved a story of mourning (Thank god you spelled that correctly) and loss of life. I took it as a Grandparent, which I found slightly weird considering the photo was a child, but that is nitpicking at it's finest because all in all this read was highly enjoyable. From the opening lines about crackling bacon to threading needles, you were able to compact a very many detail in such a confined space while simultaneously building not just a character, but more of a connection and emotional bond. This is a perfect verse regardless of length, no fat could be trimmed off. Cheers.
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Thank you for the thoughtful critique. I interpreted the picture to symbolically represent that the child was dealing with the death of another, rather than death itself was coming for her. It almost looked like she was trying to seek comfort in that cloak while death's hand is literally over her heart. So, the verse was written in the form of the girl's diary entry dealing with the loss of her grandmother. When I was younger, I lost my maternal grandmother, Lee Sanner (we called her LeeLee) to Alzheimer's. So, I tried to incorporate some of the that loss into the verse.
Thanks for reading.
Cimm.