~Sizing Up The Competition~
Produced By: Certain
I haven’t written anything for a topical magazine in a while, so I figured I’d come through and size up the remaining field. Each competitor is ranked by a completely made up percentage chance they win the whole thing —and the percentages do not factor in no-shows.
FAVORITES
1. dead man | 19 percent
This field is too talented for anyone to be 1-to-1 or anything like that. But dead man has to be the favorite. He not only is a great writer, but also has set the palate of the Netcees’ voting scene. That makes him very difficult to beat even with your best verse. He simply can out-write anyone, even when his content isn’t on the same level.
2. Pinot Grij | 13 percent
Pinot Grij is the best storyteller — comedy or otherwise — we have on this site. His problem is he sometimes shoots himself in the foot, either by being too weird in his humor and disillusioning the more stubbornly serious voters or by seeming disinterested in the entire competition if he doesn’t like a topic. My feeling is he has something of a chip on his shoulder after finishing as runner-up in the Alias Topical Tournament.
3. Pent uP | 11 percent
Netcees’ first great topical champion has a fierce competitive streak. He just also sometimes runs out of time to show it. Pent uP has developed a very versatile style that often helps him counter opposing approaches. He’s conceptual smart, very experienced and out to remind people how good he is. But he’s also probably somewhat rusty, and his habit of forcing rhymes can be more obvious against opponents with crisper diction.
4. NYCSPITZ | 10 percent
His ego and eccentric unpredictability rub some people the wrong way, but NYCSPITZ can write. What’s more, his bombast and combination of lyricism and intellectualized flourish hold strong appeal with many voters. He thinks big, then executes big, which tends to be the favored approach in tournaments and especially championships.
TRUE CONTENDERS
5. Cimmerian | 8 percent
One of the greatest Open Mic writers in the history of text topical writing, Cimmerian is known for very short verses with abstract focuses. He can out-write anyone, but the question becomes whether he can write with the completeness and conceptualization required in a tournament like this.
6. Frank | 7.5 percent
When the Art of Writing League first launched, Frank’s style was favored by voters. He told bombastic stories with ridiculous continuation rhyming, and a league that didn’t value polish as much as creativity and vibe fell in love with his work. In the past two years, that hasn’t been the case, and even when he wins, his verses often are criticized more harshly because the standards in voting have changed. It’s now on him to prove he can hang with a more literary group of writers, and I know he can. His talent is enormous.
7. Soulstice | 6 percent
Soulstice sometimes steps on his own feet. He’s one of my favorite writers on this site, but he shoots for these expansive watercolor canvases and does not always keep his reader’s attention. That’s why the Short-Verse Topical Tournament, which he won, was perfect for him. It reeled in his tendency toward losing his reader with details.
8. Argh | 5.5 percent
Known to Project R.H.Y.M.E. members as B.E, Argh is a very experienced topical writer with a distinct style. She is polished, literal and pedantic about making sure her verses are smooth on both edges for some reason. She tends to focus on characters more than anything else, and she’s very good at capturing small details. I don’t really buy into the idea that being on a new site would affect her writing, but it might affect the reception of her writing, for good or bad.
9. Godcomplex | 5 percent
This seems way too low for the defending Art of Writing League champion, but the competition is much tougher in this tournament than that one. Godcomplex, formerly UnbornBuddha, is a very unique thinker who does a good job approaching topics. His writing has smoothed out considerably, but he still falls into the trap of abusing big words and trying too hard to sound smart. Still, he has the hot hand at the moment and has beaten plenty of very good writers.
DARK HORSES
10. Witty | 4.5 percent
On talent alone, Witty should be five spots higher. Rhyming comes naturally to The Witness, our Irish fox. But showing up doesn’t, and neither does consistent content quality control. So sometimes he’s done in by his habit of rhyming for the sake of riddling.
11. Diode | 3 percent
I have no idea how rusty Diode is right now, but I do know that he is a veteran in every sense. His style is from a past era, replete with more simple but stable rhyming. He has a great grasp on how to approach topics, and his content usually is strong enough to beat better writing. He would be a very plausible semifinalist, even though the championship seems lofty.
12. Vividlyvague | 2.5 percent
I had a hard time with this one because the last verse I read by Vividlyvague was so mediocre. That’s the thing with Vividlyvague, though: He’s ridiculously inconsistent, in every way. When he puts real time and effort into a verse, he can move up a tier with solid rhyming and ridiculous creativity. Too often, he comes up with an idea that’s way too big and writes it quickly. But he has that dark-horse threat feel to him.
13. Razah | 2 percent
I’m not quite as familiar with Razah as the rest of this field because he became active as I pulled back here over the last year. But I read a few verses to brush up, and I found a writer with a competent skill set. He didn’t wow me at all, but he seems to be good enough to challenge an elite writer if he comes up with the right idea, which is not something everyone can say.
CINDERELLAS
14. Mr. J | 1.5 percent
He always writes something worth reading, even if it does not always make sense. Mr. J struggles with the content side, coming up with original approaches to topics and executing real stories and on-topic concepts. But he’s a born lyricist whose flow can win him a battle against lesser competition.
15. PiE | 1 percent
It has been a while since I’ve read anything from PiE, but I remember his work. He had a penchant for weird gimmicks, particularly with formatting, that I don’t expect will impress anyone. But he also had a solid, smooth writing style that could do some damage. The problem is, he’s facing dead man.
16. TYSON | 0.5 percent
Three years ago, Tyson was capable of crafting decent verses on a consistent basis, but his rust has been very evident in the years since. He rarely puts in enough effort to beat a good verse, and his style isn’t going to stand out from the crowd. Plus, I believe he enters Round 2 with a voting penalty.
~Outro~
That's all I got for now. Next week I will not be able to push a mag out as quick as this. I'm actually out of town the entire week but I'll make it work in my down time in the hotel at night. Hopefully all you fucks show, if not, I hope you catch the HIV
Peaces