Brokenhalo: The man who only posts random open mics. Some people are enthralled by your writing. I could see why, its very different. But, I can't say I am fond of your style, which is very jumbled in specificity. There's no real direction. Albeit, here I did think there was more thought into it. You utilized the picture, but its like another commentator said, its like you write about something in it, and then see another thing and write another fragmented thought about it. But, the dots don't ever really connect. They could connect if I really wanted to see it, but that not be intentional. You yourself as a writer are supposed to lead me. Granted perhaps abstract writing is more your caveat, but even then I wouldn't call your writing abstract. Not to say that you can't write, in my mind its not clear. Because a writer for me needs to paint something that I can recognize. Granted some painters splash a bunch of colors, and that's art. But, I've never really understood that, I can't see how that compares to a portrait or something. I think honing in and making more coherent sentences will improve your writing, while also blending this unique style you've forged. Don't forsake it either, but there needs to be more clarity.
Pinot: You have the mark of an experienced writer. (I have read your material in the past) As for the writing, it was solid. However, I did have some issues in the sense of you sacrificing rhyming sometimes, or doing simplistic rhyming. It doesn't have to be all 6 syllable multi's but something more to appease the tastes. You did it at times, but the switch up or sometimes there were lines I felt you didn't even rhyme, destiny, wrestling...They do share some syllabic sound, but I guess if your going to implement this technique it should be done with less of a rough usage. Anyways, as for the twist, I too felt like it wasn't a big twist. A boy imagining something is not something that creative, even though the theme is rooted in imagination. Besides this, the story before the actual twist was fun and I wish you took it in another direction in the end. You obviously won this.
Vote: Pinot
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