Halo. Its nice to see you spread your wings and step up to the competitive side of things.
your style is very fitting when it comes to rhyming and keeping a consistent flow making the piece easy to read
some lines could have been chopped out to make the topic fit into a more rounded concept though.
for me its hard to break your piece apart due to the the way its flowing together, I noticed one of the votes emphasize your stream of consciousness
and I think that may be the outlet that you were trying to persuade with this
I applaud your efforts here regardless
Pinot, your piece came as a surprise to me as I started & finished it
but I liked the way you approached the topic, not too many writers go off in a completely opposite direction & blend a story such as yours so well.
at first when I saw your topic I was like wtf but then powered through the whole thing
I really like the way you painted your picture & the antagonist of your story
it brought a different sense of...I dont know what to call it but it was quite good to say the least
my only issue was the command center/dead wrestlers line...that felt awkward regardless....good work
v/Pinot, I enjoy what Halo brings to the table but Pinot surprised me...
so i had to lean in his direction, Broken brought a decent rhyme collection..
but i feel like Pinot edged it with a complete story, therefore he has attained rd 2 glory
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
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