[Cimmerian]

Brokenhal0

Personal Interpretation: For me, this came as a stream of consciousness piece in which you described things that you either saw or felt from viewing the picture. There didn't appear to be a particular subject, theme, or emotion that you were trying to convey. Topically, you focused on dropping some rhymes related to the picture. The best comparison I can come up with is something from the old GFK/Raekwon days or Aesop Rock.

Praise: You rhymed quite a bit and you had some interesting phrasing. I thought your last four lines were the strongest. It's always good to finish strong.

Constructive criticism The stream of consciousness was unfiltered to the point where I had much difficulty understanding where you were going. If you read Ghostface's or Aesop's lyrics you can often see what they are trying to get at or at least appreciate the wordplay. I just ended up being a little lost.


Pinot Grij

Personal Interpretation: This is a linear story told in a poem format.

Praise: I liked the originality of the piece. I would never have thought to take that approach with the picture that was provided. You consistently rhymed. The story kept my attention.

Constructive criticism I felt that the third stanza could be construed as a trite twist. But it was effective in altering the emotions of the reader. Perhaps this is a stylistic preference, because other folks here write similarly to how you have, but sometimes I felt that flow is sacrificed for descriptive/storytelling purposes.


Overall: This was a difficult topic. I'm not sure what I would have written about had I received it. Ultimately, I felt that Pinot Grij's verses were more polished. So, I vote for Pinot Grij.

Cimm.