Netcees - View Single Post - Round Dos: Mr. J vs. Asylum

e11even · 12-01-2015, 12:14 AM

Asylum- very cool Guillermo del Toro imagery here. There was no real explanation as to why such distinct differences in related characters as both were dead, but that kind of added to the magic of the piece. I liked the different settings you used (purgatory and the extremes, park, cliffs etc ) and I wished for there to be a meaningfull correlation between them to add to the depth of the story and the underlying themes and meanings. Overall, not as rhyming polished as I have read from you, but still a cool, somber approach to the topic. Good Job.

Mr.J- Oh shit. Can't say I saw that coming. That ending really sweetened the journey. A part of me wishes the entire piece wasn't just a means to get to the finish... I kind of hate that. You made this work though, and I got a slightly Peter Pan meets Donnie Darko type vibe out of this. My biggest gripe out of all this is I wish more of it echoed you rather than the piece echoing remnants of the picture. She takes flights of frolicking fancy through the majestic wood until she realizes what she has become. There is some promise there for expansion and exploration, but I do like what you did with it to that point though. Good Job.

This is kind of a tie for me, whereas I liked and disliked these pieces in equal parts. Conceptually, I feel as though both these pieces could have been more fleshed out and realized to really get to the reader more, but I think they equally fell a little short. Where one surpassed the other, however, was meaningful content. MVGT asylum for the overall more interesting read, although both had promising material. Thank you guys and good job.

12-01-2015, 12:14 AM	#8
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Asylum- very cool Guillermo del Toro imagery here. There was no real explanation as to why such distinct differences in related characters as both were dead, but that kind of added to the magic of the piece. I liked the different settings you used (purgatory and the extremes, park, cliffs etc ) and I wished for there to be a meaningfull correlation between them to add to the depth of the story and the underlying themes and meanings. Overall, not as rhyming polished as I have read from you, but still a cool, somber approach to the topic. Good Job. Mr.J- Oh shit. Can't say I saw that coming. That ending really sweetened the journey. A part of me wishes the entire piece wasn't just a means to get to the finish... I kind of hate that. You made this work though, and I got a slightly Peter Pan meets Donnie Darko type vibe out of this. My biggest gripe out of all this is I wish more of it echoed you rather than the piece echoing remnants of the picture. She takes flights of frolicking fancy through the majestic wood until she realizes what she has become. There is some promise there for expansion and exploration, but I do like what you did with it to that point though. Good Job. This is kind of a tie for me, whereas I liked and disliked these pieces in equal parts. Conceptually, I feel as though both these pieces could have been more fleshed out and realized to really get to the reader more, but I think they equally fell a little short. Where one surpassed the other, however, was meaningful content. MVGT asylum for the overall more interesting read, although both had promising material. Thank you guys and good job. __________________ Ahem.