[UnbornBuddha]

Vivid: At first this just read like a generic piece of a war rendition. Nothing that really caught my eye. But, then you opened up the experience by subjecting the reader to these ideas, like one's identification to one's species/race. And what best to challenge them, then a species that in a way has transcended the subjective labeling we are engulfed in. I thought, that after the landing, everything was much more interesting. The rhyming itself seemed on and off, basic rhyming with some multi's here and there. Nigma definitely has you beaten in that department. Still, I enjoyed this quite a bit, and after knowing what happened, the rereading of it is more enjoyable.

Nigma: You took a much less direct approach, as you usually do. The beginning particularly threw me off, but then as you progressed you grew less subtle and everything became clearer. The abandonment of home being parallel to becoming an alien, an outsider, a refugee. The lines everyone are pointing out with the pyramid were very strong, and VV had no lines that read as strong as this. Your rhythm wasn't as strong as it usually was, especially because of the rhymes that are put together like a puzzle "make me round to fix me...embraced me, housed no pity". I wasn't a fan of this tactic, it didn't read fluid to me. The concept itself is more pertinent in many ways, and more creative. However, there were follies I saw that kept VV's more enjoyable as a whole. For example, in order for the reader to make sense of what you were talking about, your ending suffered from making a grander statement and wasn't as impactful as could have been.

Thus.
Vote:VV