Time – this was good overall,
I know its nit picking but there were a few rhymes that didnt syllable match but apart from that theres a lot to be admired about this from a technical standpoint. The concept felt a bit dry or maybe in the beginning you built a really intriguing premises to go on and I expected a little more BUT the wording throughout and painting a picture was executed very smoothly. Enjoyable read.
Rak – a slight dip in the standard you've set imo, the imagery, choice of words, fluency/ structure is all there but its hard to interpret the topic, it makes the piece more challenging to grasp and not in a fun/good way. Any sort of ambiguity has to be deliberate n obvious to the reader.
Clash of styles pen game wise but what importantly separates the reads is the entertainment factor. So im voting Timeless on that.
|