WK 15: MMLP squeaks by Timeless 5-3
A week late, sure, but I promised I would get to it and here is the proof.
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timeless : I enjoyed this verse for what it was. The structure wasn't stellar, but the execution was crystal clear and on point. I'm not quit sure how this story linked to the topic but meh, I enjoyed the read. The concept behind the verse was rather witty. I liked the back and forth conversation as often times rhymes take precedence and butcher any natural conversation that may have occurred. You did this well, I mean carrying a natural conversation you know? All in all, I agree with you, this was one of your better verses of the season, good shit. I would have voted you easy FYI
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MMLP : First off, the amount of simple typos was insane given the length of the verse. You opened up with a very strong writers voice, but you quickly tapered down due to the errors and not keeping up the same level of rhyme structure. The story itself was decent, but nothing really eye popping or ground breaking. It's obvious you rushed this, which can be fine at points, but a quick proof-read would have done wonders here. You left a huge opportunity unnoticed, you could have easily trickled in visual gore, giving this verse more of a focus on the gruesome, instead you just told the story. Decent verse, nothing spectacular.
Godcomplex vs. Asylum
GC : This was a fun read my man. You gave a lot of background and incorporated many details through out, enough for me to draw a connection with the main character and fully understand the severity of the trauma he went through. I don't get the final line because the metaphor is eluding me, so I can not say your execution was amazing. As for the story though, I feel like you painted a picture clearly, you had a visions and direction in mind while writing this and hit the mark true, aside from that final line of course. Loved the use of asystole as well, never seen anyone else use that beside me.
Asylum: Good god man, this was an epic if I ever read one. You were extremely detailed with imagery, kept a quick pace as progressing the story and finally, you added a ton of fucking background explaining exactly who the narrator was. This verse was damn near perfect, I really see nothing resembling an error and misstep. This is just a clean cut verse about an Alien race who creates these warriors, or maybe they just wake up from deep sleep before battle, in any case, the main soldier is a berserker though. I haven't even touched the rhymes yet man. You kept a steady pace, and I will add that I normally hate long bar because it's not my style but you murdered that shit, any ways... The rhymes were consistent and not simple at all, they were developed finely as you incorporated many inners and multies through out. I hate to be that guy going into the playoffs, but this is my favorite verse of the season.
Championship: (c)Nigma vs. The Law
Nigma: This was some good writing right here, no going around it. Well, I didn't like the opening line, there has to be a typo in there somewhere. In any case, the message was loud a clear. You tackled a story of lore and did so in using conversation and imagery as the main catalyst. The main character is that dude by the way, you created character that I love because he's just a bad motherfucker, fearless and deadly. The twist in the end was good as well, I must say I did not see that coming, but on further examination made perfect sense. You use of words and your use of description in a made up story was very strong, you gave this story physical breathe, breathe that I could see in this cold world of conquering and pillaging. Thoroughly enjoyed my friend, top notch verse.
The Law: So the ending of this verse was good, if you had proper time to flesh out the individual lines and fully execute this verse it could have potentially been a great one. Alas, you fell a bit short due to the many grammatical errors and typos riddled through out and not having a fully fleshed out verse. As I said though, the story it self was actually really good a highly enjoyable. I thought the rhyme scheme lacked from time to time due to it being a bit simple, but again, if you had the proper time to write you could have added a few inners or multies giving this read a completely different look.
CopyPat vs. Frank
Frank: So I enjoyed the fast paced read that moved on fluidly in a consistent manner. This read more braggadocios then anything to me, which is cool I guess, but gets boring if done often. All in all, the structure was weird to say the least, reminds of juvenile of Hot Boyz in drop it like it's hot where every line ends in “huh?”, dope track by the way, still is. In any case, I appreciate the concept work because it's a bit different then most would think of, which is you in a nut shell. Decent read, dope concept, OK verse though.
CopyPat: This was a dope read though. You incorporated the topic superbly, but the way you linked it to your actual writing process in this league gave it an entire extra dimension. This read made me feel like you talking about yourself pertaining to writing and your process. I enjoyed the pace you kept as always, and the take on the concept was rather fresh. Not much I didn't like about this verse honestly, it in all the right places, effectively executing a concept piece that gave me a view into the ever eluding mind of Pat. Good outing this week though, I liked the drop start to end.
Timeless vs. Mr. J
Time: First off, this has to be the shortest battle in AOWL history, you guys are fools. Let's see. I liked this verse, though far too short, you def could have dragged it out and made it an actual story making it more captivating. The opening stanza though felt out of place, like you through that in before you found your direction. Decent read for what it was though. I would have voted you.
Jay: Eerily similar to your short verse last week that had the same feel and same type of ending. The verse had no real direction though, it just ended. Decent read, but not the best execution on concept.
~Week 16 No Show Shine~
Jesodist: You went biblical. I enjoyed the concept but feel you sold it short, I mean you took a grand concept and didn't make it grand you know? The rhymes and cadence were all there, nothing really faltered other then one, maybe two typos right in the middle. I also will say that the end was a bit vague, you didn't give me a link or clue to who the character was that inherited earth. There was no background and no emotional or personal links, it was just a guy in the end who was clearly important, but you made him even less then an after thought. Decent read though, I enjoyed it to say the least. I'll mention when when Winter Topical Tourney sign ups begin.
Exis: LMAO at “a bit of failure like flo is”. I didn't like this verse though. Read the exact same as last week, more audio then topical. It was entertaining, just had little meat behind it to really pique my interest.
Vivid: I liked the concept behind this verse but due to its brevity you didn't bring it full circle executing as good as you could have. The writing it self was pretty good, no issues at all really. This verse was a breeze you progressed almost too fast, you were saved because you gave an extra line of character background on the girl then the others, so you did have a main character. All in all a solid read that left me wanting more. This verse as is though was good enough to beat a few others this week, def not one of your best though.
~Final Standings~
Champion:Nigma 10-2
GodComplex 11-5
Mr. J 9-5 [1]
Razah 6-4 [1]
Rakontur 6-2
Asylum 5-4
MMLP 5-2
VividilyVague 5-1
EtH 5-1
YDK 4-4
Ullr 4-5
NYCSPITZ 4-4 [2]
CopyPat 4-1 [1]
The Law 3-1
JESODIST 3-1
Exis 3-1
Witty 3-2 [2]
Frank 3-6 [3]
Timeless 3-9 [1]
2Tripple0 3-9 [1]
Flo Real 1-5 [1]
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