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Old 11-12-2015, 05:05 PM   #6
asylum
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 999
Battle Record: 7-5



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The Law - Started off well. flows good, rhymes match up to my satisfaction. I like how you matched up damn eternity with anniversary. perfect. this feels like an old fashioned story to me, like one told over campfires long ago. it was simple and to the point, i kind of saw it coming, but you told it well enough for me to enjoy it. your wording was a bit off in a couple places, "was the day that mourn for the day" felta little off. was a day too"" would've worked better imho. also "really amount our people" needed revision. this makes me think you maybe keystyled this? if so, well, great job. i liked the piece very much.

Nigma - well as this starts off i'm wondering what "has to be mine" .. rhymes are fucking excellent tho. a lot of inner monologue, done well. nice. i really like how these bars flowed.
This rye's amazing. Hides the fear in my mind that might disgrace me
Slide away alone with a full rimmed goblet, or so I thought.
This guy would save me
Disguised and gazing with a withdrawn look as his eyes embrace me

slippery slick. also following that, that bit on "like the boats which slay in Odin's name" that was fucking epic. really great word choices, kept to your tone and theme extremely well and just sounded poetic as fuck. the mirror image theme was very well woven into the entire piece.. this feels like it took a lot of energy and time. i like how the rhyme scheme was a little off, just enough for you to be waiting for it when it came. then you come through with the multiples and hammer em home. altogether, this is a very creative piece and I enjoyed it very much. although not much actually happened, I really enjoyed the reminiscing tone and your well woven twist.

/v Nigma - his mechanics were far superior to his opponents, and his story's twist gave him the win. i was kinda leaning towards law until nigmas ending hit in and i realized exactly what was going on. if law had gone over his verse more and worked in some multiples, perhaps carried some rhymes a little further with some complex inners, this would have been a more difficult decision for me to make. nice showing from both, thanks for the reads.
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