Netcees - View Single Post - Week 19: Ullr vs. Vulgar

Adonis · 11-10-2015, 01:52 AM

Why you never ask me for votes scrub? I'll edit it in right now

V - WTF man, that shit was just some really, really good writing right there. No going around it. The images you gave were a non stop flashing forward and moving on to the next, yet you weren't sporadic. It all had a sense of cohesion, all surrounding days of lore and this valiant man who studies it. You did make a quick switch somewhere and started talking more general, digging into the wrongs of humanity I gather using coral reef as nutty concept about growing up and still failing. You packed a ton of info into this verse nicely and tight, which I may appreciate more then the next guy. In any case though, this was written on less of a forum style and more of a published style which I appreciate greatly. There is nothing wrong with this read at all, deep thoughts using metaphor through imagery yet keeping it light enough to walk away not scratching my head, a perfect mix.

U - This too was a good read, but I have to be honest off the jump, not penned in the same vein as your counterpart, his is on another level of writing, some classical poetry work of art shit (IMO). I really enjoyed your verse about humanity. It read like you were explaining a birth, the cycles or stages human take as they progress, and in the end it's all about being proud of how you lived. This was a bit tough to follow however, I mean I feel like the direction wavered from time to time negatively effecting the execution which I thought you did ok with. I will say that while the end rhymes were good, the way wrote the sentences made it very bareable, not so predicatable or un-predictable, but more natural. I can tell you took your time with wording as to mask what can become stale and turning the rhyme into a positive instead of guiding your direction and allowing the rhymes to weigh the verse down until the sentences mean less. Hopefully that translates, makes sense to me.

V/Vulgar

This was a really good battle, one that I thoroughly enjoyed.

You can post shit in AOWL as you draw near the finals for extra votes if you wish.

even a link in the discussion might get you a hit or two

11-10-2015, 01:52 AM	#4
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946449	Why you never ask me for votes scrub? I'll edit it in right now V - WTF man, that shit was just some really, really good writing right there. No going around it. The images you gave were a non stop flashing forward and moving on to the next, yet you weren't sporadic. It all had a sense of cohesion, all surrounding days of lore and this valiant man who studies it. You did make a quick switch somewhere and started talking more general, digging into the wrongs of humanity I gather using coral reef as nutty concept about growing up and still failing. You packed a ton of info into this verse nicely and tight, which I may appreciate more then the next guy. In any case though, this was written on less of a forum style and more of a published style which I appreciate greatly. There is nothing wrong with this read at all, deep thoughts using metaphor through imagery yet keeping it light enough to walk away not scratching my head, a perfect mix. U - This too was a good read, but I have to be honest off the jump, not penned in the same vein as your counterpart, his is on another level of writing, some classical poetry work of art shit (IMO). I really enjoyed your verse about humanity. It read like you were explaining a birth, the cycles or stages human take as they progress, and in the end it's all about being proud of how you lived. This was a bit tough to follow however, I mean I feel like the direction wavered from time to time negatively effecting the execution which I thought you did ok with. I will say that while the end rhymes were good, the way wrote the sentences made it very bareable, not so predicatable or un-predictable, but more natural. I can tell you took your time with wording as to mask what can become stale and turning the rhyme into a positive instead of guiding your direction and allowing the rhymes to weigh the verse down until the sentences mean less. Hopefully that translates, makes sense to me. V/Vulgar This was a really good battle, one that I thoroughly enjoyed. You can post shit in AOWL as you draw near the finals for extra votes if you wish. even a link in the discussion might get you a hit or two __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR Last edited by Adonis; 11-10-2015 at 02:12 AM.