Asylum: The rhyming threw me off in the beginning, but I'm not a stickler for keeping a traditional approach, so I can look pass it, if the approach pays off. I wasn't a fan of 1/4 of the verse, particularly the beginning, felt like you were a lost traveler trying find his way. Midway through the verse, it became much more powerful in the images and the way you manipulated your language. The content itself was very Star treky, and I've never watched any of that Star Wars or Star Trek sagas, a bore-fest for me, even though I love space! But, yours wasn't boring, just wanted to go on a personal tangent. The story itself was cool and like I said it unraveled itself better as your mind untangled from its conceptual coitus into physical neuronal action. I think the organization of the material and your thoughts in the beginning would have made a much more cohesive piece. On a another note, I did think you were more creative than your opponent's.
Law: You had to take that angle, didn't you? it's not a bad angle, I mean you did it exceptionally well, even if that concept itself isn't very innovative. It lacks the juice that really delves you into pondering mode, which I like to go on when I read. The flow here was more stronger than your opponent and thus led for a smoother read. You finished with another predictable method, one where humor or metaphorical satire tries to contrast all the morbidity that happened before it. Nevertheless, the writing itself was very poignant and carved into the reader's mind what you intended. And because of that I felt that your intention got you this battle.
Vote: The Law
|