Lol, as of late, @
asylum been killing it with his battle breakdowns.
Copy: At first, I really thought you were underwhelming and honestly the first 4 lines are kind of eh, even in terms of its comedic value. However, the lines after that I really enjoyed it, it had this sense of flow that just toggled along really well. This lines were nice and simple "My life would just change if my diet steez was better
But I like me the taste of a prime beef that’s tender
My eyes read the menu and right to desserts
Ice cream crescendos;"
I enjoyed the way your flow carried us through your whims and splurges.
Jesodist: Friend, don't capitalize your rhymes, we could identify them quite easily and it makes the piece itself appear as if is trying to be grandiose. If you do it for your own sense of a compass to keep track, do it, but lower case all your end rhymes afterward. Besides this, minor mishap there is a grammatical sense of distortion. You are a smart guy, teach yourself the finer nuances of the English language and your writing will reach a new plateau. This is what is preventing you from reaching a more refined work, my suggestion is to read a lot, read books that will help you not only in grammar rules and construction but also writers that are superb. There are many fine English writers, or even reading Spanish writers will help you identify and correlate literary techniques at a much more honed place. Remember, consider yourself a writer, not a rapper. Rapping is but a subset, a categorical melodic feature of writing, but if you can implement that which I mentioned you will be all the better for it, keep striving to elevate, stars are the limits. Like another commentator stated: There was a sense of direction, but there was also this unfocus, which might be due to your focus on just rhymes, remember in a topical match, rhymes are just a segment, story, metaphors, content, creativity, language, vocabulary and all that are just as equally as important as the rhymes. Even though your opponent himself is obsessed with rhymes, he still knows how to write very cleanly and it just leaves a good impression.
Vote: Copypat