Timeless – I really enjoyed your first stanzas, the flow kinda died off in the beginning of the third and I wasn’t truly feeling the conclusion. I think quotations are very dangerous, not sure they worked so well for you. My favorite lines..
Watching the walls close in have been a monotonous routine.
Mind state steady hazed, a skyline with a metropolis unseen.
Fogged and drifting free, waiting for death in the dark.
I feel I can't breathe on my own, stress pressed on my heart
I also really liked, “it’s hard out here for an unborn fetus.” You really hammered your angle home, which I think I could benefit from doing more, so kudos for that. All in all you had some good rhymes and the story was pretty good but the final moments needed some refining.
Mmlp – So the predator is really a misunderstood jelly type? Lol. That’s why he’s always mimicking them, like he does. Pretty funny actually. Your brevity worked for you here because your story was pretty clear and honest. Favorite lines..
I could make them laugh or make them cry
with my stainless mask i'd escape behind.
The stakes were high when in my garden
with laser strikes for a list of targets
Good development, great tie into the movies. I think your this would have been helped by some more content. You really didn’t write too much..
MVGT – timeless because his piece is original and mmlp’s was really brief and relied upon another persons work. If mmlp had developed his piece more and created his own storyline, I would have given him the nod because of his amusing approach. But timeless created his own moments very well and imho I think he deserves the win this week. His mechanics were also far superior. Good battle tho.
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