Netcees - View Single Post

Adonis · 11-03-2015, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Law

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Law

Exis
The storyline and approach you took was pretty dope. Loved the way you ended it off. The imagery was nice as well, describing her message on the glass and that it disappears. Electricity line is another example of good imagery and use of descriptive words. For the most part the drop had a good rhythm, however, there was a few hiccups in the flow, at least for me while I was reading it. Other than that it was a solid drop with a good progressive storyline. A more what's happening in the moment approach than giving your character a background story throughout. Nice job.

Rakontur

Liked the storyline and the way it closed off that we humans are destroyed in hopes that the next time around they will be better than they were before. Really wasn't much else other than that. Pretty simple rhyme scheme and you just quickly progressed through the story without making any of the small writing errors. With how insane the picture was, you could have done with a bit more intricate imagery and details to really paint that picture for us.

Nigma

Storyline entwined with the clock in the picture was dope. You did a great job mixing that in there with the imagery and description. Had to read it twice to take everything in. Loved how he killed the lover but then right after was pondering the old memories, transitioned that in nicely. You do well with the complex storyline, twisted together than making us realize what it was all about. Only critique was flow was off in the places, but the sacrifice works for the story. Good stuff nig.

CopyPat

Flow was off in places and structure was a real clutter. Hard to follow at times, and it seemed more like you were just running with whatever came to your head about the problems in life then throwing small little references to the picture like the freedom shit and the gas mask. Would have liked to see an indepthful topical or a nice storyline brought to the table.

NYCSPITZ
Shit's gay. IMO should be real verses or it's a no show. At least put in a little work for the free win.

Last week no show shines

Big ups to a new member stepping up