~Week 14 Battle Reviews~
Frank DQ'd vs. Godcomplex
Frank – Really good imagery, some very detailed writing. Early on, a girl tied to a post about to be exercised? That can't be the correct tense for that word right? Shrieking octave shadering node, inhumane. For shame you were flagged, I'm 1/30th of the way in and love it. And now it hits, we write opposite. One of your lines would qualify as a quarter of my verse, but I think we write the same. One exception, vomited on soles was a missed opportunity for a sick ass line concept juxtaposing soul and hell. To get a hold. Of herself. Chopped poorly. Especial the pope, really, that's the name you're going with? Appreciate the Spanish sprinkled in but come on son, this is just offensive. All in all, long as fuck man. Boil and chop it down into a pure and raw form and you got yourself a winner easy over any verse this season. Aside from a continuous rhyme that repeated a few times in the end there, golden goose lipshitz.
Godcomplex - I liked the opening end rhymes because it directly correlates to Franks signature style of killing a rhyme before moving on. You eventually circled back to it later on, but I thought you poking fun at Frank which is always a plus. On second read I believe you kept the same end rhyme pretty consistent throughout, so I applaud the fun jab at your counterpart. This verse was more demonic then you normally bring forth. I thought you writing from the perspective of God mid way through but the ending leads me to believe otherwise. Still not sure of who the writer is here, but I liked the character none the less. He seemed self righteous, wanting to teach through misery and capture the goods in the process, I.e skin and eyes and shit like that. Reminded me of Buffalo Bob really. In any case, I think you would have lost this battle due to the amount of specific descriptions Frank fit into his not so tight space. I commend you for flagging him too. I did not years ago when he went over the limit and he crushed me, even though people said my verse was good, just too short in comparison. Redemption is a sigh of relief. Thank you. Solid verse, seemed a bit more lackluster then what I'm accustomed to from you, yet, even still, just pure, solid writing.
2Tripple0 vs. Mr. J
2tripple0 – You really gotta refine that style son. Lack of direction at times is good with your style, but this week I didn't enjoy. You bounced around as usual, but didn't come with the full array of skill I think you have. I think you should try and tell an actual story at some point this season, from beginning to end, with no simile's.
Mr. J – Really, renting a movie huh, like people still do this. I don't know what to say man, you did enough to get the win. You wrote a linear verse? It was OK. Nothing horrible about it, just not a good piece in general.
Timeless vs. JESODIST
Timeless – Hmmm, not clear what you did here if I'm honest. You wrote about hell and referenced a porcelain dress (breakable, weak) and a dark hallway or do and an axe. The only way I put this all together is you wrote about a guy who kills people to bring them to hell? No clue man, seemed unfinished.
JESODIST – I was not a fan of this verse my man, sorry. It read straight forward enough, which shows you can weave a bit of a story, but the rhyming was all over the place. I prefer structure more then anything, and you had rhymes tossed in where ever they would fit in your long line format, which I am also not a fan of although you do it better then most I think. The story was cool, I liked the transformation scene and felt you executed it well. You gave more examples then anything though, so your description was less description and more simile. You did have imagery, but I think you missed the mark because the opportunity was there to go full blown imagery and gruesome and you just ended the verse. Solid read, but nothing ground breaking.
Vividlyvague vs. Rakontur
Vivid – When I read “Sorry @
Frank ” only one person came to mind and this gave me a chuckle. This name will forever be synonymous with the one and only hell raising, law breaking boarder who's every breathe blows sends a pain down the spine of every mod, and I respect the hustle. Now to you Vivid. This verse was extremely captivating due to the imagery and storytelling, you drew me in man, truly. The start was superb writing in terms of a novel, I feel like you are doing the wrong thing. If you could write sit and write ten pages every other night and go back and add the imagery of a flickering light or Dr. on a couch you know, button up the details, you can really create a top selling novel, no jokes here. Anyways, back to your verse for the inth time. The opening light switch was not just a man flipping it on, but searching for a switch to turn on. This is what makes you great writer, and I mean great. These details give a path to a story that I have no seen ever, and I have been around multiple decades. Where do I think you faltered? I think you were too ambitious with constructing a verse in the same vein as the actual movie. Example, I wrote a many topical about The Homer series, where I try and breathe life back into his poems. But I never understood how people could say you aren't making your own art until just now. You created a really good story, but with out the other creations in front of me it fell, not flat, just a few pegs. So while you wrote a very imaginative verse in my eyes, one that I really loved, bold the word love, I feel like it is not entirely yours. The characters, the actions, it all. I never got this from reading voters who vote against me in my Homer Series, which I will no doubt still do just because I love it. Anyways, this was a dope verse, I loved it my man. There was nothing weak about it.
Raconteur – Short and to the point. You wrote about the TV show to catch a predator, only the predator in your scenario was the young, underage female catching these guppy men. You peppered this verse with nautical or fishing references which added depth to the read. But god was this short. I don't mind at all though because I feel like you packed in quite a punch in a short space. Not sure if this will get you wins if you make the post-season so beware. But, solid writing this week, I actually liked you verse.
Copypat vs. Exis
Copypat – I liked the flip on the topic, liked the rhymes and enjoyed the message most off all. You pretty much explained me, but I got kids now, so halloween is alive again, FUCK MY LIFE! Anyways, I think you accomplished what you set out to do so the execution is top notch. I do believe you wrote this as a quick write and it shows, you still seem a bit rusty. You got the talent to go deep in postseason if you squeak in, but will need to step up significantly from this if you want to see that come to fruition. Solid read though, as I said, it was entertaining to say the least and that is the main goal in my eyes.
Exis – Keystlye huh? I liked it though. Enjoyed the rhymes and the little bit of detail you added helped develop the verse, but it was just too short with not enough description to really edge this week out. It was a close battle, but Copy is a beast with it and you sort of matched his style which is a loss for anyone. But as for your verse, yeah. Like I said, for it being so short you were able to fit in imagery and scenery and character albeit vastly underdeveloped. So, solid read, but not championship worthy.
Championship: EtH vs. MMLP
EtH – I wrote a similar verse once upon a time so I obviously like the concept, however, I think it could have been executed on a much grander scale. You gave me lost island which I believe represents the characters mind, but that's it. I feel like this verse needed additional examples or more innuendo or more metaphors explaining, in general, more. So solid execution because as I have finished reading I received the perception that I fully grasped the concept, just wish there was a bit more to grip you know? I did enjoy the AB, AB pattern. Not the rhymes, because these made them less effective, but for being different and going out on the limb. One of my favorite writers ever is a guy named @
kannon who has this ability to change rhyme schemes at will and make them all form a single, cohesive verse. So props on that shit man, enjoyable read in the end, but I can only nitpick as this is what I am good at.
MMLP – “Death looks over me like the happiest neighbor” What does this mean? It made me laugh on the real. I feel like it doesn't translate well but it does, solid line of the Peruvian kind. All in all though, this was meant to be a heartfelt tug of war on the soul of the reader, but I fear it fell short,
just short. One thing I will say proudly, your use of the letter, it's rhyming I mean, the way you weaved a conversation of sorts into rhyme form while not fucking the content up, this was no less then amazing. I was not connecting with the rhymes throughout, but during the actual reading of the letter, I noticed the rhymes, but noticed the words more. So I went back a few times to make sure it all rhymed, and you structured it all perfectly. It's not all end rhymes but its entirety is cohesive as fuck bruhv. At first I thought you completely fucked up, I mean who receives a letter interrupted midway through with a news bulletin? But as I researched, you did save yourself, the only problem is the story is theatrical, which is awesome in a sense, but also not so believable, like a made for TV movie ya dig? Enjoyable read here, but I think you let the championship stigma eat at you, thus, straying away from what you got you here. Short, sweet and to the fucking point. Although this was too, but it seemed like you actually wrote as opposed to let it flow.