[Orc]

U scared out ya socks, I'll make you walk naked cross a frozen lake
Chuck rocks, and count how many it takes until it breaks.

there's nothing really to this concept, man. i felt like it was going to go somewhere but then there turned out to be no sting to it. coulda maybe played off chuck rocks. boyyy i will leave u in the coldest state - homie told me to chuck rocks..& now he's rocking concrete cons in a frozen lake// not a great line -- you see where i'm coming from, though. the connections in the punch add up and it helps make the punch sting.

Gotta c'neck for the rifle, u won't hear it when it bangs
Kill u wit my homies strap, we call that a hood stock exchange

this is simple but it's not bad. the rhyming is off but the line hits -- though stock exchange/homies strap is possibly a played idea; if not then certainly a played execution of concept. as it stands, though, the line was pretty tough. slicker rhyming would have added to impact.

Think fajitas at the Chinese spot, the way my glocks spit
If it's beef ill'lift ya whole strip with these chopsticks

liked the connections throughout, i'm not really overawed or impressed by the concept itself, though the execution is to be commended. all of the associations were slick and the actual punch was cool. your best line so far

But fuck guns, I'm good w/ the hands if we have ta brawl
Pull a knife on me I'll reverse it an make the cut; like a casting call.

the connection in the punch (make the cut/casting call) needed to be stronger, you wasted a great deal of the punch on filler. you could have used that space to add in more connections that'd make it stronger. to be honest, though, ''make the cut'' is an old idea, and i can't see it really hitting hard, however it's worded.

Fuck you. Ya girl? Crazy slut, pointed at you like "hes a fag"
Then proceeded to slide down more poles than confederate flags.

this is okay. again erring on the older side of concepts with poles/dick/flags connection. it's worded well though and cleanly. rhyming wasn't great again

I'm grumpy as fuck, like an old man with a damn temper
"Dont step on my lawn!" or my bullets come across burning like klan members

the execution was clean; this is an old wordplay though, man. klan/cross is ancient and so is across/a cross. i will say that i liked how you twisted it around though so that it is takes an unexpected turn with the punch.

v

I could leave out ur gay marriage & it still won't be fair
Ironic, u got a Rubber Sniffer & have a fetish for smellin the dildos u share

liked the twist on this, good use of the quote, it was funny. i would have ended it differently but as it stands it's still pretty fresh. good start

I picked up ya girl @ work & made her suck me off in the whip
She gave me that temp. oral bone 'til I broke her fuckin jaw w/ my dick

another good hit. a fresh wordplay which i haven't seen and a creative concept combined with slick wording; not too little, not too much. this was very good

Yosemite Sam when these bullets leave ur brain in critical
I'll shoot at ya feet & have you dancin around the fire; no pagan ritual

more swagger and flow than battle punching, imo. it is a nice line in its own right -- just doesn't have a mean hit to it or a creative edge. this was a phoned in Neighbor bar. i think you write these in your sleep.

Name's abysmal, takin my 2 cents'll get him aired
That's a Coin, 'flip.. like your status when I lay you up in intensive care

i didn't really like this, the concept seems too run of themill. i know you set it up with the 2 cents and aired (which was slick) but the punch was obvious as soon as i read coin flip, you know?

I'll show up at ya backyard BBQ & put a slug in ur niece
This 4 rings on ur 'hood when I start crashin shit - that's Hush in the lease

this was verrrry dope. your best bar and lotb by far. the whole line was fire. wording/punch/concept all fit together seamlessly. i like the Orc wording on the punch, too.

Dismember ur wife; adopt your kids after I'm endin ur lives
& for Namesake, I'll make "Hopeless Faggot" the one they remember u by

this was uninspired, bro. probably thrown together just to finish the verse. that happens to me a lot, haha. namesake was an obvious flip and i didn't feel the family connection. it is funny, though.


so, Nameless, i don't know who you are or if you're an alias but you've got some aspects down. the only thing i would say would be to think a little more outside of the box with your concepts and delivery of the punches that you do choose to come with. a lot of your lines were tired or ''played'' (an annoying term in text battling, and overused) in the sense that they've been done before and it's hard to put a fresh spin on them. the strip in the air line was a perfect example of lines you SHOULD write; use that as your reference point in future when it comes to wording. Neighbor (plausibly), on the other hand, was polished throughout. he had a couple of lines i didn't like but the ones i did like i really liked: the opener was slick, the following line hit, and the Hush line was very good. i've got Neighbor.