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Vividlyvague: I thought your verse was great for what it is, some of the work in the middle felt weird...
around the Frank Zito section you really took it a step further with your dialogue but some it seemed odd
regardless once you power through that it starts to pick up a little speed again and seems to be better written
I cant tell if you wrote this in one sitting or not but I feel you could do with a less inners in your work.
its cool that you can pull off a string of words like that but your piece suffers at certain moments from it
regardless I think you had a decent grasp on the topic at hand and shined quite well once you got over that...
nice work brah...
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Rakontur: I liked and hated this piece at the same time due to the opening concepts
the overall use of your topic seemed lost to me due to the ensuing dot dot dots...
I get it, but at the same time I want to gag on the simplicity of ideas that have been around
I dont feel like you are challenging yourself here. Try adding some fresher concepts to the piece
I dont feel any character to this and I feel like Im being robbed of a read after reading Vivids piece
v/Vivid, I feel like he had a better fleshed out story, it suffered at points but not as badly as Rakontur
Im not saying that Rakontur had a bad piece I just really couldnt get into the story after some lines @
Rakontur I appreciate the time you took to pen this verse & at first it may have been a great idea to you....but...
the common concepts make me sad, the length of your verse makes me want to slap Vivid
either way you two showed and I thank you for your time
v/Vivid