I just want to start this off by saying this movie was 50 kinds of twisted. Yeah. Needed to get that out of the way. Super sick ass movie, in case nobody has watched it.
Vividlyvague – ok so a dude rolls up on a doctor and mercd him then offs his secretary? Cool. You built up to the piece rather than examining playing the scene out. I like that approach, the mark of a true professional. I think this set was the strongest in your piece.
I'm sorry, Frank. I'm bogged down with nonsense. Your problem?"
Frank stared quizzically. "Awesome. You really don't remember.
We spoke about Esther. Mother issues and the fact I resent her."
"Ah, yes. Take a seat if you will, Sir. How do you feel?"
"I feel a little off... like I might have the disposition to kill..."
Dialogue is difficult and you pulled it off well. Also, you did an excellent job of driving the story along through your dialogue. An even more difficult feat. I like that.
I’m not sure adrenaline rhymed with anything. The assonance was too broken to say that it did. I mean almost, but not quite. My one serious question it why the hyphen in “cemet-ry’s?” I enjoyed how you threw in the color of her dress. That had a good effect, just to make sure the reader was sure the story ended where the picture started. I think this piece was solid as fuck. Thanks.
Rakontur – great job in word choices. Your rhymes were slick as fuck too. The guppy, meet shark line, imho, could have been blended into your theme more. Lol I just realized what your verse is about. I’m surprised you didn’t do more with the verse itself. In fact, I’m a little disappointed. I think you had a great approach and really could have utilized that to create a funny ass piece. Although a tongue in cheek approach is often not the best, you nailed the fuck out of the topic.
/vv took it this week imho. It’s not just that he wrote more, it’s that he had more solid scene development. His story felt more real to me. I did enjoy raks approach, and he could’ve really made this a comical piece. Although both authors wrote to their topic well, I think vv’s prequel approach gave him the solid V for me. I really enjoyed both verses tho. Great battle guys, thanks.
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