I liked reading both of these and I’m more than happy analyse….
Rakon- Technicality rhyming-wise aside. This was dope, the middle part was nice, the way you started incorporating a sea tale/ fish’s tale and at that point, I was lost as to where it was going.
The subtle references between both topics brought it together nicely.
There was great wording throughout, imagery was top notch.
The ending was nicely executed, I thought it was leading to something more than it was. But I got it and understood why it ended like that.
It reads better on second read, when you’ve figured things out and can then appreciate everything in between, the connections, metaphors etc. An approach to writing I like to use every so often.
And that’s what you/ I want, people to read it back, enjoy it even more perhaps and appreciate what makes the piece what it is.
The only thing I picked up on was the ‘typing away at the start’. To me that meant it had to be from a human perspective. So the fish/sea thing could never realistically really come into play. Nit picking I know!
Good job, I enjoyed reading this
VV – Again, technicality rhyming-wise aside. You produced an interestingly morbid tale here. I didn’t know if these were characters you created so l quickly looked up frank zito (a famous mobster) so I believe it was him.
Nice idea to play off frank and relate to a real life person who can play that sort of character
I liked the scene you created at the start, it was painted well with words. It took a second read to un-puzzle it all and a get an idea of whos who and the actions taking place.
The true motive of frank’s actions isn’t clear tbh, which was a let-down.
I dunno if it’s a genuine revenge plot for the family or if he is indeed a schizophrenic! OR BOTH!
The ending was dark, interesting but dark but there were one too many questions I was left wondering about.
v/ Rakontaur for the more completed and enjoyable read.
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