Quote:
Originally Posted by Split
vs that lame nigga Alec Baldwin
Surprised ur game, fought 7 years w/ ya WIFE, won nothing at all
cause even when AB smash chicks... he still loses the custody Brawl
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A+B buttons? You should link Smash Bros to this a bit more clearly (I had to PM him about it) 'cus most voters are going to go "don't get it" and not give you props. The concept is good though and the connection at the end is solid and personal. Just maybe reword the set up a bit as it's kind of wordy (not to bad though) and the first half of the second line to connect more with the reference. Good concept though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Figurative
Barry bonds
Every time you swung, the ball morphed to a bullet, headed straight for the sun,
So i guess none of us should be shocked to find that BB shot up
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Do you mean like you shot him up? Make things a bit more clear, the wording is really off here. The BB/pellet concept is solid, has been used on Blue Bayou but that doesn't matter for the lesson I guess, but that would be one example of by the single letters angle can be risky even with 2 letters. Also you didn't rhyme. Look at Untold and Splits wording, that is how your bar should look.
Change this
yasdasdadsad, asddasdsdasd, sadsdasdasdasdasdasdasda,
asdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdsdasds
into this
asdasdasdasds,asdasdsadsd
asdasdasdasdsdasd....sdasdasdasdasd
if you feel my vibe, at work so I'll make that an actual bar later haha
Quote:
Originally Posted by Untold
When it comes to fights, I shouldn't be chosen to brawl
So the next Baldwin I get... Will result with a bloody scalp xposin ya skull
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This was dope, done almost perfectly. Good end of the punch with the harsh statement to connect to the nameplay properly. One thing though, unrelated to this lesson, is the rhyme scheme wasn't great. The set up itself worked though. Now try one of the other 2 angles.