Frank, yet again you not giving a fuck ruins your verse. You know your lines are way too stretched, you know you repeated promiscuous figure, your best rhyme, twice for no reason, you know you switched in and out of narration and broken "ghetto" language...and you don't give a fuck about it. It's a shame too because your verses are fucking weird. I don't know if it's the homoerotic undertones in everything, or whatever it is, but your verses make me uncomfortable...and that's amazing. It's a refreshing I guess "emotion" to get from a piece. You're not writing horror and telling us about those same colours every time. You're picking a fucking weird location every time and telling a bizarre story which is extremely original in both delivery and idea. Again though, you just don't give a fuck. It's almost to a disrespectful point because you're better at this naturally than everyone else signed up. You don't care if your syllable count is off, lines are stretched or anything else. You don't care about writing lines specifically and just scheme it all out quickly. You're not a natural speed writer and it always shows. I just wish you'd switch into gear and start knocking these verses out the park like you can obviously do.
Witty, that was fucking close to going over my head. I think you lacked slightly in the delivery here. Things like saying goodbye to your family, I think if you had stuck to a more in-game metaphor it might have worked slightly better. Maybe if you were going into your masters a little bit more and why they are forcing you to be a part of this sick game. Maybe thinking BACK on your family, but as there is no family in the game I felt that having them around you took away slightly. I also don't like random names in topicals a lot of the time haha. The concept alone is fucking stellar though. Extremely creative and resourceful. Although the style felt a little bland after reading Frank's, you took it simple and managed to get a lot of what you wanted out there. Love this idea and you accommodated it well with the rhyming, flow and everything else.
Overall, Frank's verses can be really hit and miss and while I'd edge more towards hit with this one, Witty just had the better idea and more enjoyable read throughout.
MVGT - Witty.
|