Asylum
Stimulating read. Very poetic. I dug that "Hollow truth'' line early on. The word Hollow created a ecosystem for me. Put me in the Pond setting of moss, marsh and hollow. I think that Overall, it was just one small step for your inner amphibian. You had the distance of a Young Bull Frog: would've liked to see you go the distance of a Conraua Goliath Frog from Cameroon West Africa. Only real crit.
Timeless
Whoa, this is a huge improvement for you. I thought this character sketch was penned proficiently. The underlying metaphor for the picture was abstract. You took the picture and saw a world upside down. Dope. Would've liked you too incorporate the actual picture somehow. Like saying she threw the cigarette in the lake, something that truly made you one with the picture. The idea was tangible. The name Rose, although a earthy name, could've been Blossom to capture the picture more.
Felt that this battle was dope. I liked what Timeless did, it's definitely his most defining effort. Asylum just embodied the pic more. Would be interested in reading these pieces in their entirety, as in both writers push themselves to write full bodied pieces. Would be worth the read, if either found the inspiration, or time, or both.
Voting Asylum
__________________
VETWORK
|