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Old 10-22-2015, 09:17 PM   #8
The Law
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Triple - Verse was okay, I thought some of your word usage hurt the verse. I liked some of the references to the disney characters and concepts since it is snow white in the picture. I must say that the progression to the story needs to be smoother and more understandable to the reader. As well as saying there were some hiccups in the rhyme scheme, may be accent, I'm no sure, but some of it didn't rhyme to me. Cranium/curriculum, exposed and crushed didn't rhyme with anything for me either. Charisma/lava multi there was off for me as well. So overall I thought the approach you took was decent but you need to execute better as well as work on the technicalities.

Spoken - I actually liked your approach here and thought you did a great job working on all the pieces/characters in your drop. Second to last bar really ended it off well the piece well. Besides some wording issues and messiness this was a nice read. All it needed was to have a reread maybe reword some things and polish it up.

MVGT: Spoken - More of an obvious one here. Can tell the experience difference. Spoken just had the better approach and the better overall writing in this one.
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