Netcees - View Single Post - Asylum 2-3 vs. Timeless 3-5 - ASYLUM 5-0

e11even · 10-22-2015, 05:05 AM

Asylum- beautiful. This was a concise and well worded piece. I will pretend I know the angle and say this is earth's view from Limbo/Purgatory through the eyes of the Lucifer or a random sinner that past on. I loved how you set your backdrop using the space in the picture as a surreal metaphor to carry your plot. No complaints for rhyming or structure either. This is sound work, bro. Good job.

Timeless- Jane. Lol. This was cool. I was digging how you started this but the second paragraph was obviously written at another time, feeling sort of rushed, or just in a different voice. The execution of both parts was still solid though, but I didn't like the introduction of Kyle. I felt that was either in the wrong place or you could have done without extra characters entirely. Rose was the star of the show, frankly. I think more could have been done to indicate her life being "turned upside down" to match the metaphor because she didn't have the worst of luck with her beating multiple counts of bad news and all. Just saying. Good job though.

Both opponents came with a different spin on a very interesting topic and did something interesting with them. I think for me this came down to the more refined approach. MVGT Asylum for the more concise and effectively worded piece. Good job guys.

10-22-2015, 05:05 AM	#6
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Asylum- beautiful. This was a concise and well worded piece. I will pretend I know the angle and say this is earth's view from Limbo/Purgatory through the eyes of the Lucifer or a random sinner that past on. I loved how you set your backdrop using the space in the picture as a surreal metaphor to carry your plot. No complaints for rhyming or structure either. This is sound work, bro. Good job. Timeless- Jane. Lol. This was cool. I was digging how you started this but the second paragraph was obviously written at another time, feeling sort of rushed, or just in a different voice. The execution of both parts was still solid though, but I didn't like the introduction of Kyle. I felt that was either in the wrong place or you could have done without extra characters entirely. Rose was the star of the show, frankly. I think more could have been done to indicate her life being "turned upside down" to match the metaphor because she didn't have the worst of luck with her beating multiple counts of bad news and all. Just saying. Good job though. Both opponents came with a different spin on a very interesting topic and did something interesting with them. I think for me this came down to the more refined approach. MVGT Asylum for the more concise and effectively worded piece. Good job guys. __________________ Ahem. Last edited by e11even; 10-22-2015 at 05:05 AM. Reason: Added words. Vote didn't change.