MMLP
What stands out is the cadence. It's very Humpty-Dumpty... Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall... It's elementary in a way. Few instances where you miscalculated the rhythm, primarily the last two lines of the first two stanzas. Also "Mass" rhyming with began seemed like a stretch by any continents standards. I think there is a prolific simpleness to this type of style, if done right, like how you started the piece. All in all this was cool. I preferred the first 3 stanzas over the last 3 stanzas. You kinda strayed away from vibe you manifested.
YDK
Dropped on a grownup theme this week. This was more intellectual and less emotional than some of your more recent writing. First verse I can remember reading that wasn't about either of the women in your life. You said you rushed it in the discussion thread, so all forethought goes out the window. I would keep specifics like that to yourself. For what its worth though, you took a page out of your more advanced mental library and I appreciate the read.
MVGT MMLP
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