Gonna have to go against the grain here.
Rakontur. I feel like with your short verse and short lines you were able to tell a small story and keep the flow just quick enough for it to seem better than it really is. I think if you stretched this out some and went for more detail, the concept would be stronger but your flow wouldn't have been as fast paced obviously and people would've read it differently. For what it is though. It a decent little piece that was too short and had too many holes in the story due to it's size.
Flo Real, I liked this quite a bit. Much better than the recent stuff I've read from you. The story was pretty creative and original and I felt like your flow, though it started pretty slow, started to pick up about halfway into the piece. I enjoyed the original concept, good stuff.
Vote Flo Real for the more enjoyable story.
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