One thing was for sure... Amy and Angela, the sisters divine,
Both yearned for the same lusting thrusts that he would provide.
Angela poked his Facebook... Amy got some FaceTime...
They both were juggled on Oovoo... And sent him pics of their... thighs.
There was an opposition once... The abominable Susan Heide.
^^^^
I had to stop reading a sec to point out that I really enjoyed this section
one thing I hate about topicals is having a wide array of characters and making it work
right here you juggle everything really well while adding a certain flare thats enjoyable
I feel like you got off to a good start here...after finishing I felt what carried on was too repetitive for my liking
I mean I enjoy how the story carries on so smooth, but that opening convo was tough on me
especially the way you worked it in with your flow, tis dope, but that kind of drew me back
I left her body adrift in the middle of the kitchen floor.
I sat with her for days, bewildered as I sip my Coors.
An elixir born and lost with each passing moment.
Tried to navigate away from the scene but my map was broken.
I laughed unfocused
^^^^
I thought this was pretty dope right here, I didnt enjoy the beginning
i felt kind of lost for a second, so I had to read this a few times which is good for its shortness
you really caught me with the second section of your verse which I thought was nice
you used some smooth transitioning as you stepped into a weird world
what kept me looking for answers were your mechanics you really put together a cool verse
my issue is how much is unsaid here...dope work though
v/This one is a tough one for me, both of the styles are different & show here
I really enjoyed what I read from both parties although there can be only one victor
with that being said, I enjoyed Vivids verse but it had flaws after the quoted portion above
regardless, he juggled characters in his story which added a smooth effect, through a picture in as many do now...
and really showed us what he is capable of when he brings some focus to the table...
on the other hand we have timeless, an odd fellow to most, or maybe just me...
but thats beside the point soooooo, before I proceed I just want to say your verse was nice
it didnt showcase a lot but it sure packed a punch which I enjoyed, you used some cool concepts
played with the style and really just made me enjoy your verse, it worked...I dont know what to say other then read timeless verse ya know...
v/timeless
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