Vote vivid. I sort of just wince at how bad some of sovereign's shit is. And it's not even hate vote, like big baby used to sapm me with, it's just realistic. Let's unwrap the first bar:
Part I. Singularity. Meet David. 22 years ancient and alone in the basement
Trapped in an odorous stasis, surrounded by soda in danger
It had potential to be dope until surrounded by soda in danger. that's the most forced concept I've ever heard in my life. Please defend your (super)ego and tell me this was a keystyle.
Living with mom means he don’t miss a payment
Thought himself an adult cause life was over in grade six
yea, you probably thought this added some great depth but it was horrible. No 6th grader has the emotional depth to reach that conclusion unless he was deluded, and even if that's your premise it's just a horrible beginning to the story.
He asked, “How can one become a permanent legend,
When his travels follow arrows of uncertain direction?”
I don't mean ot be a dick, but the bold seems lame as fuck to me.
A quarrel started, pitting lazy habits versus redemption
Its remnant light cast basement stairs as perfect ascension
that's just the worst metaphor i've ever seen. the remnant light of his redemption casts a perfect ascension up his warcraft 6 nerd basement stairs? Trying to add profundity to the lame and absurd doesn't work.
David started ten years ago, now the plan was complete
The thesis for his Master’s degree made other graduates weep
I lol'd but no, this was weak
He had a savage disease, always studied without adequate leave
^^^ the sign of a true idiot. What is he taking leave from, school? You mean work? lmfao, what the fuck is this 3rd grade shit???
Who cares about damned inner peace? He knew what he had to achieve
At his interview with DynCorp, he was Candidate Three
^^^ Garbage. Sounds forced and even the company name sounds weak. He was candidate 3 out of what, 5? 10? 1,000? You leave the context ambiguous because you're lazy and intellectually slovenly. Also damned inner peace is so forced.
He said, “I have to agree, you’re good at graphing machines
And doing math and physics, and such challenging things”
^^^ u dont make too much $$ do u? bc it's obvious you've never been to an interview.
This was a massive release! A decade of work to see his battle succeed!
Ten years ago he started walking with a vision of life
He didn’t know what he expected but he’d finished the climb
Now the steps had brought him where no other men had arrived!
^^ STOP USING EXCLAMATION MARKS SO BUNCHED TOGETHER. GOOD WRITERS DONT DO THAT EVEN MEH MEDIOCRE ONES DON'T. But yeah this was just a bland piece accentuated by your lack of writing acumen re. the consecutive exclamations.
^^^ lmao childish and a horrible use of exclamation marks really
The last part was so wack and unprofound that I'm just not going to comment. I'm sure you'll complain to lars like the insecure individual I can sense you are, but maybe not. Maybe you'll be a man and not give a fuck what a superior writer thinks of your work which undoubtedly is "your first in a while" or "if I'd been doing this forever I'd be even better than u!" Nope. This was just wack all around and I could tell 50% of the league wrote better than u since freshamn year in high school. Sorry if this is mean I just usually don't vote realistically so as not to hurt feelings but I respect your bluntness in my verse so I decided to reciprocate; no hate whatsoever and I mean that.
Vividlyvague:
I thought this was dope. I could do without some of the bold and italics (which I used to do too) but it was far more coherent and held better writing than your opponent's by miles. I didn't think the imaginary "dad!" thing was good it was iight but just seemed lame to me. The ending bars made up for it. Good verse, beat your opponent by miles, acres and eons.
v/ Vividly vague
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