Nigma- hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Acid. This was trippy as fuck. I'm not an acid dropper so this was sick. Rhymes and imagery galore. I was there. I swear it. This was an acid Laden mothership with dubs on it:
Tilt my neck back, chin up, break down existence and drown in science
Wet blotch on my head from the dense drops since the clouds are crying
Synthesizing sounds with every glimpse and sight that surrounds my iris
Visions persistently thicken in intri***y, sticking to me like its destiny
Create profound designs, dividing and splitting the seeds exponentially
I feel the completeness, complexity, sentiments deep as distentions be
A separate being, severed the leash and fleeing like I was never free
and though it wasn't deeply cerebral, it was pretty fucking cool to me. I wish you had focused on this type of thing the entire battle. Good job, and thank you.
Mr.J- this started well. A better avenue to the journal would have been to continue the story and increase the adrenaline or just make it more interesting. I was not really a fan of stopping the action. Never stop the action. I also was not a fan of the slap-on topic. It's comes of as a tired practice. Aside from that you had solid work. I'm only being hard on you because I saw potential in this piece and I felt like you hit a wall and switched gears. The reader is never supposed to notice. Good job though.
I liked both pieces for different reasons, but both needed improvement. MVGT Nigma for the more exciting read and IMO better rhyming. Thanks for showing guys.
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Ahem.
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