Flo Real, this was okay. Your wording could use some work. I feel like you dropped a rough draft verse. Maybe spend sometime revising next week and see if you can tell the difference. I'm also not a huge fan of using foul language (unless it's in a non derogatory sense) in writing so seeing 'tits' kinds threw off the entire line for me. Flow was super smooth but at the same time really simple so it was hard to really entertain myself reading this. Story was really basic as well. I feel like there were a lot of concepts in there that could've been really awesome if revised and it would've helped your story too. As it though, it was just an okay read with some things that could've been fixed up with a little extra time and effort.
Timeless, I liked this a lot actually. You kinda were the opposite of Flo Real. I don't know if you revise your pieces before you drop them but this felt really well polished. Wording was really smooth and the flow was nice. I liked the topic, taking something simple and making it roll off the tongue in an entertaining way. I look forward to seeing more from you.
Vote Timesless for the cleaner piece.
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