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Old 09-21-2015, 02:00 PM   #9
EtH
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 435
Battle Record: 6-1


Champed
- Art of Writing League

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YDK - I think I said it last time, but since I've came back reading it feels like everyone has sort of forgotten the fundamentals of multiple syllable rhyming and flows are fractured often and everything. There isn't a single technical flaw with what you do. It can be rapped at any tempo the entire way through, rhyming is spot on (specifically with the ball and chain scheme in the middle), cracking job in all fronts. But....I have NO idea why you wrote this piece. I've said it a few times recently in different leagues, we've all been there and written the token political complaint piece. You of course blew the others I read out of the water, but when do you feel is different about this verse? This was a more on topic and much better technical piece than the other ones...but it's still the same piece with a different writer. A political commentary piece removes any chance of storytelling, imagery and personal connection. The only emotion you can convey is about the same level of anger as a 9/11 conspiracy theorist on Facebook. Also for this topic, it couldn't have been any less of a twist. Rich white guy gets more than a poor black guy, so you wrote about how the fatcats in the media do things like blaming the black guy for stuff. I dunno, I feel like after an insanely personal, gripping and emotional piece last week, you kept this extremely safe. Your writing skills was absolutely on show but it's not something I'll say "Remember how good that YDK drop was?" in the future.

Nigma - I think I've seen it a few times from you, but don't do one rhyme scheme for 5 lines or something. Schemes kind of always have to end on an even line. Because of like the inherent idea of patterns in poetry and rap, you think "Right, that's a line down, now to complete the bar" but when the second line has a different rhyme at the end, my mind's like "Wait did I miss something?" and I need to stop and reread. I thought the idea of using the water to take down the tree was genius. A really really resourceful idea which I felt was drenched in metaphors. The ending was fairly good. I wasn't sure what way it was going to go but it had a message at the end so it was a solid enough set up. I felt you might have been a little bit too obvious my making paragraphs for the beginning, middle and end. I like to try and break that down in my own head usually. The rhyming wasn't as technical as YDK's, but as the piece went on your had internal rhyme schemes, or maybe it was just choice of wording, that really gelled the piece together.

Overall, you're both absolutely worthy of a championship match. I feel that YDK might be the slightly better writer, but I felt this all came down to the topic choice. YDK picked something unoriginal that we've seen a million times. If you compare an anti-political piece to one where a slave uses the toxic water in his tap to take down a tree of his master's residence, only for it to all be a test of will, you'll see that no one is going to write Nigma's verse again where as I think there's plenty of people with the ability to recreate a mirror image of YDK's. As a result, I vote new champ.

MVGT - Nigma.
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