[uh-oh]

WORD

this will probably never happen btw as i just sat down to begin and gave up almost immediately

like yo

watup, romes earliest beginnings are shrouded in nonsense mythology. venus (aphrodite) was using her power of love to influence the other gods to mate with mortals. jupiter (zeus) got pissed about it because, juno (hera) was jealous that he was banging mortals and knocking them up instead of her. in retaliation jupiter made venus fall in love with a mortal named anchises, who was a minor prince of dardania, a region outside of troy at the foot of mt ida in turkey. venus came to him under the guise of a phrygian princess and they banged for a couple weeks. 9 months later she came back to him with a son named aeneas and told him she was actually venus, and that he shouldn't boast about banging her because jupiter would fuck him up for some unknown reason even when jupiter was the one that made her fuck him in the first place. aeneas was then taken and raised by nymphs until he was five and returned to anchises. anchises was drunk probably in an argument with some nobody mortal woman who wouldnt give up the pussy, and he was like i fucked VENUS THO THE GODDESS OF LOVE AND BEAUTY, and jupiter caught wind of it and hit him in the foot with a thunderbolt making him LAME.

so as i'm writing shit like that^ i realize just how massive the undertaking is and am discouraged from actually going through with it.

just telling the whole story of aeneas is gonna be a healthy portion of a book, i mean dude became the king like leader of the dardanian allies to troy, in the battles/war over helen/troy with the greek cities, he is a dope warrior but is almost killed a bunch of times but venus/appollo/neptune save him, achilles himself is about to kill him when he is saved because of his destiny.

him and some others were like man give that ho helen back, and since they were basically on the greeks side of the argument but honour bound to troy the greeks took mercy on him and he fled carrying his father with his bum foot out of the city

then he has extensive travels, battles, mystical shit happening all along the way before he settles where rome is and becomes homie's with the latins

literally aeneas' life deserves its own book basically. or at least half of it.

i was thinking basically since i've had to read mad different sources and shit from virgil to livy to EVERYTHING basically to get a full understanding, i want to put it all in a definitive volume, but i am quickly realizing it would be the longest book of all time and wikipedia exists

i just hate how everything is summarized and shits barely referenced in most history books so you gotta search and find random shit that barely makes sense written in a garbage ancient language lol