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Old 09-16-2015, 06:55 PM   #8
EtH
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 435
Battle Record: 6-1


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YDK - As I just PMed you, it's absolutely nuts you that I'm sitting here thinking of an emotional cancer based piece which weighs heavily on the seasons. I was specifically on the Autumn part when I was reading this so it really really bizarre. I actually read most of this like it was the father because of my own piece haha. The rhyming and flow were solid, but they could have been amazing and it'd have been irrelevant. Flow and rhyming was merely an accommodation for this piece because it's entire purpose was to be a gripping blow right to the feels. Heavily emotional start to finish and a really really good job of conveying absolutely everything you wanted it to. I find myself always being critical when I read stuff these days but nothing to be critical about here. A simple, yet extremely memorable piece. Also, did you intend for the protagonist to be female? Something about the way you wrote things, perhaps the highlight on the word empowered or maybe just the idea that you're second guessing yourself based on your mother, it felt like a very feminine perspective which was done amazingly if intended because it was never revealed to my knowledge. Fantastic drop though, fitting of a championship match.

GodComplex - A very bizarre story. I'm not really sure about the twist. Like your long term police department partner is a meth addicted child murdering ringleader? You've never noticed that? Also, you didn't explain what so ever why he for some reason wanted you to murder a baby. I'm assuming to this bunch, babies are pretty precious commodities. Their entire being is purposed around the murder of said babies. So why did he toss one to you to kill? What did he gain out of it? I also don't think you really put across your characters cowardliness enough. If you'd weighed on that, I'd have maybe understood the final decision a bit more. The rhyming varied throughout. At times you had some good multiple syllable schemes and a solid flow but at other times it dropped to a very simplistic one word style. A bizarre piece through which I imagine if you're at this stage of the game, in a championship match, you would be able to produce much better than at other times.

Overall, I felt the winner was quite clear. One really really drove home his message while the other seemed a little bit scattered, rushed and not properly thought out.

MVGT - YDK.
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