Innovator - You closed there at the end well. Reminded me of the climax of the movie Jarhead. The language ranged from cool to a bit tiresome. I didn't like the blood churning nights line, but I was feeling the 'kill for sport' play. Overall, somewhat interesting of a read.
YDK - okay so this had potential. It had a successful "I'm going to tell you a tale in storybook form..." tone of voice to it. The ground was covered there. However, sometimes you try to go for advanced sounding clusters of words and it throws off the hallmark-ness of it. For example, embodiment emblazoned is very forced. 'Completely astral' was interesting, but it didn't work 100%. I think having smooth, believable, relevant transitions was key here, and you were weak around those joints and edges.
I'm going with Inno here for better comprehensiveness in his poem.
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