Quote:
stale potato chips clingin at the corners of my mouth
stomach clenching in a twist, i just might shit myself
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I liked the ending a little, but this little verse wasn't much to look at, no pun intended. Just no creative energy behind it really. I dig the vibe of it being something dark and real but that's not enough to make it feel like something worth while. More poetic than anything, I'd say. Honestly I think it was the fact that I've seen similar angles from other writers in the past. The depressed, deep-thinking type of insight. It works sometimes, but usually doesn't provide enough excitement for the reader. Stay up.