Lol.
Well first of all Muzz I think you're takin things here a bit too seriously.
But you have the ability to make raps (i think). Why don't you take this concept and make it rhyme more, and "rhythm" more?
If it was good, I'da been like "oooh snap, he showed THEM, those snobby netcee hierarchy, or whoev you're callin out".. but since it kinda sucked I'm like "come on muzz; write some fire".
So it's not about writing the "right slew of shit"... it's about writing whatever YOU wanna write, but making it GOOD bro.
And if you're not going to use a buncha rhymes, make it good like those last 3 stanzas of the second post.. I find those to be good (props), so try to make the rest with that kind of syllables/rhythm/flow.
The words of Satan fill your mind.
They become intertwined with words of Jesus.
But, deep down, you know the difference.
You can become duped now, or stay true to yourself and God.
fill your mind/ intertwined
deep down/ duped now
Cool shit.
Speak to yourself, and let the truth seep through your pours.
Science and math become a joke when anticipation of an absolute truth begins to surface.
Forget yourself for a moment, and take loss of all ego.
Pain stricken and beauty acknowledged, the universe of our collective consciousness takes shape.
Very Good. Unlike a lot of the shitty stanzas above it.
It is necessary, for all to endure the harshness of reality in order to see the beautiful sunrise again.
Just keep in mind what has been lost, in order for your consciousness to be here with us all.
Because, we all appreciate you being here with us.
And, you know that.
I've purposefully highlighted what I consider to be good stanzas for your standards.. I realize you just wanted to write what you felt, what was in your heart or w/e.. and you went ahead with it. So me calling most of this supbar probably fits into your paradigm of unfairly judgmental critics, or w/e.. But it's my feed, and I consider myself to not fit into what you are rallying against at the beginning, so take it or leave it. lol
have a good day my brotha
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