Netcees - View Single Post - Week 9: Ullr vs. MMLP

Woke · 08-31-2015, 10:59 PM

"limbs ripped and twisted, gripped with pliers and clippers snipping fingers and toes, coiled a spring through the nose so as the nostrils flare they'd bring them in close". UL, this is a perfect example of how you said, run on sentence. This verse had cadence but with a mid ranged syllables. While I enjoyed the darker side of life you projected toward me, I feel like you didn't go 'over-detail' on a single thing to, a sort of spark or highlight in imagery, a lasting more, image. Solid verse as is, but lacked 'clear polish'. Marshal is real when I talk. This verse was more linear and detailed frame by frame, unfortunetly the imagery was of a story more slow then effective. Again, decent writing, but this story lacked steam.

V/ Ullr

08-31-2015, 10:59 PM	#4
Woke Senior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 183 Battle Record: 6-4 Rep Power: 553418	"limbs ripped and twisted, gripped with pliers and clippers snipping fingers and toes, coiled a spring through the nose so as the nostrils flare they'd bring them in close". UL, this is a perfect example of how you said, run on sentence. This verse had cadence but with a mid ranged syllables. While I enjoyed the darker side of life you projected toward me, I feel like you didn't go 'over-detail' on a single thing to, a sort of spark or highlight in imagery, a lasting more, image. Solid verse as is, but lacked 'clear polish'. Marshal is real when I talk. This verse was more linear and detailed frame by frame, unfortunetly the imagery was of a story more slow then effective. Again, decent writing, but this story lacked steam. V/ Ullr Last edited by Woke; 09-01-2015 at 12:52 AM.