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Old 08-31-2015, 08:01 PM   #11
Vulgar
Razor-thin derision
 
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25

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Dr Dog - The coming and going of the seasons and the wear-and-tear life cycle of shoes seemed to be the corresponding metaphor of choice here. I thought the first stanza gave off some potency. What followed were sufficient stanzas, sprinkled with rhythm and a little wordplay. This really could have been a poem about racism in the countryside, but I have my doubts about that interpretation. At the summit of it, it gives off a feeling of when you take your shoes off after a long day and feel the cool air and lower temperature engulf your foot, while it stretches in the damp sock which covers it. Cool poem.

fraze - The second stanza's flow was flavorful, reminded me of Wrekonize when he spits. Overall, your style here is a fit for the topical league - I see no problem with calling it poetry as well. The crafts are interchangeable give or take a few things, stylizations, tones; obviously you put a firm focus on the rhyme scheme in this one. Ullr takes similar approaches to his poetry in this league. Beyond commenting on that aspect, I think this was well written but not to a point where it was thought provoking. It was a straightforward story vs. Dr Dog's sense of substance and open-endedness.

I've got to go with my preference here. Dr Dog's poem came together more, while fraze's was good, just not as broad of an offering.

Vote - Dr Dog
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